Tuesday, March 27, 2018

I can’t selfie

Betcha didn’t know selfie skills are a thing...

Unless you’re like me and can’t selfie to save your life...

It’s amusing how many attempts it takes...

Oh! Haaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!! 

Monday, March 19, 2018

Gas Light drive

So Jon and I drove up to Salmon Arm this past weekend to spend my Grandpa’s birthday with him, and the drive up was more nail bitting than it needed to be. As gas prices are high enough to rob your kids piggy bank, Jon decided to throw ten bucks in to get us out of the GVRD. When I started to see the signs for Hope, I said to Jon, “You’ll have to pull off into Hope to get gas.” 

Unfortunately, I was on my phone catching up with my sister, and not paying attention when he passed all the Hope exits. He also missed the sign that said, “check your fuel, next gas station in 110km” 
So when I got off the phone, he’s all, “I’m gunna push it until the next fuel station...” and I’m all, “...in an hour and a half, on practically empty?!!?!? You’ll be bloody lucky if we make the next u-turn route and back to Hope!” And the gas light came on, 30km past Hope. 
And my lovely boyfriend in all his infinite positivity, kept rubbing the dash, saying we’d make it.”C’mon old girl, you got this!” I had my BCAA card in one hand, my phone in the other, and every kilometre we got closer, thinking that’d be less we had to walk. 
As a writer, imagine how I felt, hoping beyond hope we’d make it to Hope. The cocky bastard was right, we pulled in on FUMES!! And the rest of the drive felt horribly uneventful, in the best way. 

Monday, March 12, 2018

Departure Bay

On a recent trip back from Vancouver Island, I was panicking unnessearily to make a ferry, when I punched “departure bay” into my google maps. Turns out you must also add “terminal” to this search, because when you don’t, it takes you to some random neighbourhood nowhere near the water. As we...okay I started to compose myself and get us turned around, another car did the same thing. I started to tell my sister about it when we got home, and she finished my sentence, she’d done same thing too! 

Made me wonder how many random visitors that pocket of neighbourhood gets per day, weekend, or month. Do they keep a tally? Do they laugh about it with each other while they mow their lawns? If I lived there, I’d make a big sign on my front lawn, “Departure Bay TERMINAL ya dipshit!!” And then sit out in a lawn chair and watch the merital disputes unfold. 

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Me as a bit...

As per usual, I’m 10 years behind, but I just discovered Bitmoji, and all of a sudden an bunch of these things I’ve seen all over Facebook make sense. Sort of. 

I do not feel the need to be overly accurate when it comes to the BAGS UNDER MY EYES! 

Or my stress wrinkles. I’m quite sure people will recognize a cartoon version of me without those. 

Picking my glasses for cartoon me took more time than it did in real life. For reals, and not by a small margin I might add.

Who’s going to pick the Michallen man? Ah yes, my body type is ompa lompa please? No. If you’re picking a cartoon version of yourself, I feel it’s artistic liberty to shave off 20-30 pounds. At least. 

I had to try super hard not to let my emoji out dress me. Who on earth came up with those outfits? New York fashion week? Well safe to say I never look like that. Or that...where’s the potato sack? I’ll settle for a purple one. 

I’ll leave that one right there. I need at least three more options on the heavy end on that one...

But then things started to get creepy. 



Okay that’s just creepy...Right. Enough. 

You tell them tiny tit cartoon Jenn! 

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Sassy class 

By now even my blog followers have probably  figured out I like to try new things, push my comfort zone and giv’er. My sister Aleisha who’s been a dancer all her life, found Army of Sass a few years ago, and everytime I go to her shows I promise to come try a class. Well I finally did. 

So it’s basically sexy dancing in high heels. Kinda burlesque, but no stripping, no poles. But in a side note, I’ve also tried pole dancing, and I also appreciate how strong and coordinated those women are. 

So my background in dancing is embarrassing all my friends, and my friends friends when we used to go out. We don’t anymore, we’re old now. Except Aleisha and I did end up at Roosters a few weeks ago after the Miranda Lambert concert. 

See what I mean? And they all dance like this..

We don’t actually know the girl on the far left, she just kinda appeared for a bit. Probably wanted a confidence booster, “look at THAT girl...” 

So anyways, the warm up was lots of squats, and we do that in Judo, so I wasn’t too intimidated. But then we did some more. And another set. And some more squats. SQUATS FOR DAYS. My legs were jello, and I didn’t get a new set to dance with, can you beleive it? 

So the routine was pretty straight forward, Aleisha and her dancing background buddies caught on pretty quick. I kept getting nervous when she’d add more moves. One was a little booty pop from a squat position (MORE SQUATS?) and I was like, “oh that is SO not happening with this body. And these legs.” But Aleisha said I got that part pretty nailed. What I lack in ability I make up for in enthusiasm. 

What I couldn’t nail was the turn. It was the easiest thing in the world, the rest of the class got it just fine. “Just walk around yourself” she says. I could not. I’d get panicked and either spin, or take 15 stomps around like a temper tantrum. We ran through the routine like 10-15 times, I got that bit ONCE. And then I got super excited and couldn’t figure out what had happened to do it again. 

Once or twice they totally lost me, so I just busted my own groove for a bit, and Aleisha totally caught me. Hopefully the cameras they had taking video didn’t. 

Anyhow, if you’ve been thinking about trying it, I totally recommend it. I wasn’t hooked like the first time I tried Acro Yoga, but I was glad I went. Super encouraging and empowering environment, what’s a great group of ladies! 

But any night that ends with poutine like this...

And wine...

Is on point in my books. Also amazing company. 

I’m a very lucky girl in my life to have such amazing peoole to share it with. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Death box 

When I was riding the elevator this morning, I pondered that the extra creppy effect was because a light had burned out. I laughed to myself, “since when did my life become a thriller?” When I called the elevator to do my laundry, the other light must also have burned out. Oh heeeelllllls no. I’m not particularly afraid of the dark, or small spaces. I’ve also spent most of my adult life in full contact, aggressive sports. That being said, ain’t no way I’m riding your little box of horror. I’ll walk out the front, round the building in the RAIN with my laundry, thank you. Not this time Freddy. On the way back up, I called it again thinking, “come on Jenn, you’re a full grown adult...” still no. HARD pass. 

Sunday, October 29, 2017


Two of my friends recently announced their pregnancy, which is totally exciting. I’ve known Jake and Alicia before they were Jake and Alicia, when they were Jake that plays magic cards and Tina’s hilarious friend Alicia to me. They’re the only couple our age who’ve stuck it out since high school, yup - high school sweethearts. But I could on all day about how they’re great people, that’s not what’s going to make them great parents. 

I’ve told this story before in a blog about my friends becoming parents, but one time I went skiing with Alicia, and just as we were about to leave the restaurant we had dinner at, she says, “anyone have to pee?” Turns out, I did have to go, I was just so excited about skiing, but she saved me from trying to find a bathroom on the mountain. It’s probably because she works with kids, but it was perfect. 

I’ve also been camping with Jake and Alicia when things came up that I wasn’t prepared for, and Jake always had a solution. He’s creative in that way only few people are. I know Alicia’s family is super into scouting, and that mentality about always coming prepared. 

This kid also won the grandparent JACKPOT as an aside. Some of the nicest, funniest people you’ve ever met. I’m excited to laugh with you about all the trials, and celebrate your successes, which for a while will all be about pee and poop. I’m excited for your new adventure, rock on!