Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Shirt sleeve grievance


I saw this video encouraging women to lift weights when they go to the gym. Powerlifting, it's a thing. I have a friend from my program who got super into it, and she's super strong. I also know lots of strong women in my Judo club. Not to mention all the women in dodgeball, and my daily life who I don't know could bench press me if they had the opportunity. Here's my problem, if you want women to get strong, make clothes that account for big biceps. Now let's be clear, I have pretty average biceps, big arms, and some of it is muscle. I do a few push ups a week, and some of my work shirts fit everywhere else great, except my arms. A couple I'm careful how I move because it feels like I'll Hulk out of it. One had elastics there, that I removed for my own happiness. And now that we're talking about it, what's the difference between men's and women's deodorant, besides the fact that theirs actually works? I own a men's stick, and damn do I smell good when I wear it. This is not men are from Mars, Venus bullcrap, this is a world that needs to change and make room for #strongwomen. 

Scary sexy

I recently had the experience of going to a new, very large sex store. (Keery - keep reading, I promise not to reference your brother) Problem was, as much as I was trying to keep focused on what I might like, I kept getting distracted by all the super out there, crazy stuff. I snapped some pictures so you might share in my feelings. This is an assortment of anal toys, sometimes referred to as butt plugs. 


Check out those gems! That's right ladies and gentlemen, should it be your thing, you can bedazzle your butt hole.


Or jump around the room as your partners sexy fox, including the tail. The other super strange thing I didn't get a picture off were urethra penetration rods for men. I'm not making this up. And I'll have you know I tried googling it for your benefit, and I'll probably never recover. Before you assume no one would ever do that, the lady at the store sold two the week I was there. Would have been three, but a gentleman came in to buy them, and didn't think they would be big enough to stimulate him. Takes all kinds. 





Monday, September 5, 2016

#poopun

I was at Rona buying some new door knobs, and while I was at it, thought I'd check out their toilet paper dispensers. Since I get lost so often there, I asked a person working there politely in what isle I might find them. He says, "oh! Are you looking for the one that automatically dispensers sheets by motion activation?" 


I must have given him a gawd awful look. Absolutely not. 

Btw, this should scare you...



This might scare you even more...


What would a motion activated toilet seat be activated to do? Go up and down I bet. Glow maybe? Predict your #1 or #2 based on degree of clenching? I haven't yet run into an automatic toilet flush that either flushed at the appropriate time, and didn't scare the living crap out of me. #poopun   




 

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Hello hole

I bought a new dress, well new to me. I got it from Value Village on sale for $7. 


It's hard to see from that picture the colour or style, I'll brighten it up. 


Perfect! Now you can REALLY see the bra I abandoned beside me on the bed. But I don't think I can ever wear it without a bra you see, there's a Lacey see-through stripe underneath the bossum. In the picture, you can see my white body poking through. But I just KNOW if I wore it out like that, one of my tatas would get the funny idea to slide down into that space. They'd be singing Adele "Hello. It's me.." I'd be on 5 peoples snap stories before I even realized what happened. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Say waaaaaa?

A friend of mine convinced me to try a shopping app, and to cater the products better, it asked what my interests were. 


Bottom left. HUMAN HAIR? There's a market for that? Like hair extensions? How is that it's own category? On the bright side, should I get hard up, I can just grow out my flowy locks and sell them! Dyed of course. No one will beleive all the gray came from a 28 year old otherwise. I barely beleive it. 

Psychic bagel

There I am, on my break at work, sipping on my Timmies tea, just having scarfed down a toasted bagel with butter, when I get THIS email: 


Now before everyone (aka: Kyle's whole family I just added to Facebook) gets their panties in a knot, let's be clear. I am not actively seeking romance, online or otherwise. Are you kidding me? One man is enough to keep track of! That just sounds like a lot of work. So unfortunately for my blog, my online dating days are behind me. 

But that's not what my mind jumped to when I got this, I was thinking, "Holy shit balls! How did it know? I just ate a bagel, and now it LIKES ME? How did it email me from my belly? How is this possible?"

Yes. That was my first thought before, "Oh darn, I thought I'd signed right out/off/deleted all these silly things..." 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

#CatCrazy

There was a very distinct moment when I knew there was no denying I'm a cat person. It was not the cat shirt. 


It was not the cat bag.


It was not the cat mugs. 


Nope, it wasn't those things.


It wasn't even the endless cat snaps! 


It was this. 


Don't focus on the very manly "his" nightstand of the two his and hers, although I've decked it out like I'm excited I have a need for it in my life. 


It's the glass. Let me give you some back story. I distinctly remember being at a family members house over the holidays a few years back, who were cat owners. While I was sitting on the couch, they warned me not to drink the glass of water sitting beside me on the coffee table. "That's the cats water" they said. "She just started drinking out of our glass one day, so now we refill it specifically for her" I distinctly remember thinking how nuts they were, and how strange cat people can be. 

Fast forward a few years. Kyle likes bringing a glass of water to bed, but a few times I caught Beasty drinking out of it. So then I started refilling it every couple of days. Then I changed the glass to have a wider mouth on it so her little face doesn't get stuck when she drinks too much and the water level goes down. Now I change the glass and her water dish, the latter of the two which is always still full. 

...and now I'm officially #catcrazy. I have this theory that it's the ammonia in their pee that flips something in human's brains. Or the cat hair we ingest. Whatever it is, it's happened. 


I'm a sucker.