Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Me as a bit...

As per usual, I’m 10 years behind, but I just discovered Bitmoji, and all of a sudden an bunch of these things I’ve seen all over Facebook make sense. Sort of. 


I do not feel the need to be overly accurate when it comes to the BAGS UNDER MY EYES! 


Or my stress wrinkles. I’m quite sure people will recognize a cartoon version of me without those. 


Picking my glasses for cartoon me took more time than it did in real life. For reals, and not by a small margin I might add.


Who’s going to pick the Michallen man? Ah yes, my body type is ompa lompa please? No. If you’re picking a cartoon version of yourself, I feel it’s artistic liberty to shave off 20-30 pounds. At least. 

I had to try super hard not to let my emoji out dress me. Who on earth came up with those outfits? New York fashion week? Well safe to say I never look like that. Or that...where’s the potato sack? I’ll settle for a purple one. 


I’ll leave that one right there. I need at least three more options on the heavy end on that one...

But then things started to get creepy. 

Yes. 

Maybe. 


Okay that’s just creepy...Right. Enough. 


You tell them tiny tit cartoon Jenn! 

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Sassy class 

By now even my blog followers have probably  figured out I like to try new things, push my comfort zone and giv’er. My sister Aleisha who’s been a dancer all her life, found Army of Sass a few years ago, and everytime I go to her shows I promise to come try a class. Well I finally did. 

So it’s basically sexy dancing in high heels. Kinda burlesque, but no stripping, no poles. But in a side note, I’ve also tried pole dancing, and I also appreciate how strong and coordinated those women are. 

So my background in dancing is embarrassing all my friends, and my friends friends when we used to go out. We don’t anymore, we’re old now. Except Aleisha and I did end up at Roosters a few weeks ago after the Miranda Lambert concert. 


See what I mean? And they all dance like this..


We don’t actually know the girl on the far left, she just kinda appeared for a bit. Probably wanted a confidence booster, “look at THAT girl...” 

So anyways, the warm up was lots of squats, and we do that in Judo, so I wasn’t too intimidated. But then we did some more. And another set. And some more squats. SQUATS FOR DAYS. My legs were jello, and I didn’t get a new set to dance with, can you beleive it? 

So the routine was pretty straight forward, Aleisha and her dancing background buddies caught on pretty quick. I kept getting nervous when she’d add more moves. One was a little booty pop from a squat position (MORE SQUATS?) and I was like, “oh that is SO not happening with this body. And these legs.” But Aleisha said I got that part pretty nailed. What I lack in ability I make up for in enthusiasm. 


What I couldn’t nail was the turn. It was the easiest thing in the world, the rest of the class got it just fine. “Just walk around yourself” she says. I could not. I’d get panicked and either spin, or take 15 stomps around like a temper tantrum. We ran through the routine like 10-15 times, I got that bit ONCE. And then I got super excited and couldn’t figure out what had happened to do it again. 

Once or twice they totally lost me, so I just busted my own groove for a bit, and Aleisha totally caught me. Hopefully the cameras they had taking video didn’t. 

Anyhow, if you’ve been thinking about trying it, I totally recommend it. I wasn’t hooked like the first time I tried Acro Yoga, but I was glad I went. Super encouraging and empowering environment, what’s a great group of ladies! 

But any night that ends with poutine like this...


And wine...


Is on point in my books. Also amazing company. 


I’m a very lucky girl in my life to have such amazing peoole to share it with. 


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Death box 

When I was riding the elevator this morning, I pondered that the extra creppy effect was because a light had burned out. I laughed to myself, “since when did my life become a thriller?” When I called the elevator to do my laundry, the other light must also have burned out. Oh heeeelllllls no. I’m not particularly afraid of the dark, or small spaces. I’ve also spent most of my adult life in full contact, aggressive sports. That being said, ain’t no way I’m riding your little box of horror. I’ll walk out the front, round the building in the RAIN with my laundry, thank you. Not this time Freddy. On the way back up, I called it again thinking, “come on Jenn, you’re a full grown adult...” still no. HARD pass. 


Sunday, October 29, 2017

Jalicia 

Two of my friends recently announced their pregnancy, which is totally exciting. I’ve known Jake and Alicia before they were Jake and Alicia, when they were Jake that plays magic cards and Tina’s hilarious friend Alicia to me. They’re the only couple our age who’ve stuck it out since high school, yup - high school sweethearts. But I could on all day about how they’re great people, that’s not what’s going to make them great parents. 


I’ve told this story before in a blog about my friends becoming parents, but one time I went skiing with Alicia, and just as we were about to leave the restaurant we had dinner at, she says, “anyone have to pee?” Turns out, I did have to go, I was just so excited about skiing, but she saved me from trying to find a bathroom on the mountain. It’s probably because she works with kids, but it was perfect. 

I’ve also been camping with Jake and Alicia when things came up that I wasn’t prepared for, and Jake always had a solution. He’s creative in that way only few people are. I know Alicia’s family is super into scouting, and that mentality about always coming prepared. 

This kid also won the grandparent JACKPOT as an aside. Some of the nicest, funniest people you’ve ever met. I’m excited to laugh with you about all the trials, and celebrate your successes, which for a while will all be about pee and poop. I’m excited for your new adventure, rock on! 

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Peculiar

Once upon a time, my mom gave me a set of earrings. They're not expensive, not heirlooms, just little blue earrings. 


The first time I wore them, I discovered I'd lost one at work. Assuming it was gone, but being optimistic, I hung onto the one half I had. A few months later, I found the missing earring stuck between the components of my cash drawer. They were a pair again! 

Recently, my place was broken into, and all my jewellery stolen. All I have are the few pieces that flew off the top of my precarious pile stacked on top of my jewellery box, assumingly when it was snatched in a rush. One of the things I salvaged from the floor was a single blue earring. Couldn't help but wonder if it was the drawer one, or the one I had all along. Wouldn't you know I found its pair in the washing machine after washing my clothes? It must have got mixed in with the laundry pile that sat beside my dresser, near where the jewellery box used to be. It's super clean now. 

The universe wants me to have these damn earnings, BADLY. Can't imagine how they weigh above the stuff from dad that took bits of my heart with them when they left, but maybe I'll never know. Maybe someone I know will need "something blue" for their wedding one day. Should any life event call for an item with freak bummerang effects, I'm also your girl. 


 

Thursday, October 5, 2017

My FACE!!!

A close friend of mine Nicole started selling products with Rodan and Feilds. I didn’t make it out to her event where everyone got to try the products and talk about their skin, but I still wanted to support her. I was slightly floored at how much the products were, coming from someone who spent very little on products I previously didn’t use if I’m honest. 

Without consulting my now expert friend, I blindly ordered some products online. I picked them up at my local UPS pick up point, which happens to be a pizza place. Felt pretty dodgey to say the least. 

And then I tried this bloody cream on my face. I was blown away. 


I went from someone who previously didn’t wash their face, to someone who looks forward to it. My face is so soft! I can’t stop touching it! Which I know is awful.

I wanna say it’s as soft as a babies butt, but now that my friends, including Nicole are having kids, I find the idea of stroking baby butt slightly alarming. 

It’s refreshing to find a friend get so enthusiastic and passionate about something, but especially something so worthwhile. I can personally attest to this, it rocked my world. 


Anyways, it’s totally worth trying. Nicole mentioned something about fixing the problem before it’s a problem, about wrinkles and eye droops, although more eloquently, I agree whole heartedly. 

Thursday, August 3, 2017

De-dicking my life

Last year at one of my onesie parties, my friends took it upon themselves to put little paper penis' all over my house. 


They got pretty creative, sticking them to door handles, and other places I'd have to touch them. 


It's made for some interesting scenarios, my favourite of which was when I had a sex toy home party sales lady over, and mid sentence she says, "wait, are there penis' all over your house? I thought for a minute I'd been in the business too long, seeing dicks everywhere..." 

Last week I opened the book Jon was reading, and found a small collection of my paper penis' on the front page! I sent a snap titled #dicktheif that I didn't save. 

Turns out, little by little he's been de-dicking my place. Couple times he put them up at the construction job sites.

But on the day we've been dating for six months, I also feel it nessesary to point out the other way he removed dicks from my life, by being a rock star boyfriend. 


Cheers to surrounding yourself with amazing people, and realizing one day how ridiculously happy you are. I wish this kind of happiness for all my friends and family, but also for all the dicks in the world, maybe it'll soften you up a little.