The cemetery in the background could just be a coincidence, but it's just not a move I can get excited about....
Thursday, November 27, 2014
I swear this kind of stuff only happens to me. So I went out to a friends beer pong tournament a few weeks back and I brought everything I needed in a reusable bag. The next day when I was packing everything I needed for work and a date after work, and I used the same bag. As it turns out, some vodka must have been spilled where I laid my bag down. So when I packed my jeans for my date, they got soaked in vodka. Not only did they reek of booze, but you'll notice it appears to have soaked in a perfect pee stain pattern. So after debating whether or not this would prove advantageous for me, I wore my work pants to me date. But my coworkers and I had a good chuckle. Depending on the guy, that could have been a selling point, should he get close enough to smell the booze and not just assume I peed myself...
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
When I was in school, the emphasized using the network you already have to find work. Tell everyone you know that you're looking, because you might be surprised. Same strategy I feel. Finally, I've really brought it home.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
I tried hard to be strong. This "strength" word I kept hearing. I was just faking it at the start. Suddenly though, a week went by. And I was still here. Then a month. Now it's been over six months. He's still gone. Sometimes I see pictures of him, or he shows up in my dreams and it shocks me like it just happened. But I'm still here. And I know he'd want me to make the best of it, like he did. The best compliment I get is when people say they see him in me. Especially when I've done something out of the box.
People tell me the Celebration of Life we had was lovely. I hope they're right. I hope dad got to see how packed it was, with all the people he touched. He would have been 56 today. He'd have been away on his boat, or on a cruise like he usually did for his birthday.
I missed him a lot this week, and when my work schedule came out for December, I realized it's going to get harder before it gets easier. Will we have shooter night/tree decorating? Whose going to wear the tree skirt? Christmas morning. I haven't missed a Christmas morning with my dad my entire life.
Not that I'm offensive, I would like to think I blog about my experiences tastefully, and typically the only person I make fun of is me.
That being said, let me just say that some guys come out of the gate with a strategy. One guy, SugarDaddy, he was all business.
Some guys ask you what you're looking for too, maybe they want to see if they fit the bill? I've said, "Someone nice, who's got their shit together and likes to have fun. He's gotta make laugh!" The usuals. But in the last couple days I've come up with a couple bonus' that are slightly unusual.
SEAT WARMERS!!! Yes, I drive a 91' Ford Escort, seat warmers feel like an out of reach luxury. I want my next car to have them. But a car I might be in a lot in the mean time...although I'd find a way to screw that up too. "THE CAKE!! IT'S MELTING!!"
Also, a bath tub. Didn't realize how much I miss the occasional bath. Yes they're both material-ish things. Judge on. You try going 6 months without a single bath and cold butt.
Anyhow, some guys have strategies to get your attention, but so far the ones that have started to stick are the witty, funny ones I can actually have a decent conversation with. I'm told this is actually rare? Maybe my fellow female POF competition is just making this too easy for me...
Thursday, November 6, 2014
I've taken on a "balls out" mentality. My being so blunt, and open has definitely been interpreted the wrong way. But it's a chance I'm willing to take. I read on a guy's profile that he described his personality as, "straight edge" I didn't even respond to him. Whatever ugly turn of events we'd take to find that out, I saved him from it.
What am I going to gain by faking my personality and covering up my outlandishness? Nothing. A cruel awakening for him at some point is inevitable.
Part of me is actually hoping I don't run into "the one" online. The poor sucker already has to spend the rest of his life with me, the thought of him also being subjected to the ridiculousness and absurdity of humanity? Cruel world indeed.
I found Mr Wrong. He called me a "chubby b****" because I wouldn't sleep with him. Yup. I'm a tease, with too much attitude that wasted his time. And did you know there's actually a website for gents like this gem? My friend suggested it to me as I was slumped in front of the mirror, a well timed confidence boost, and part of the reason she's so dear to me.
Something else I've learned, don't drink and online date. Sending a poor guy this snapshot might even seem like a good idea. At the time.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
Quite often I use this term to describe people who smell their clothes before they wear them for cleanliness, although one might argue that's not clean at ALL. But last week I had another sniff test kind of experience. I was melting in guilt at work all day because I'd used my friends deodorant without asking. I had a feeling he wasn't a germaphobe, and he wouldn't give two shits, but I just felt so BAD! So on my break I hoofed it over to the drug store to buy him a replacement. But I wanted to get him the same kind, and even though I knew the brand, there's a large variety of scents. So I started smelling my armpit, and checking it against the pit sticks. Well lady McPrim&Proper strolls by, and I can't even describe the look she gave me. As if I'd insulted her religion! Stolen her first born child! I'm not sorry my unusual behaviour offended you so much, it's how I get my shits and giggles. Keep walking!
Sunday, October 19, 2014
My female brain automatically jumped with joy thinking, "YES! Me too!" I smiled. I turned to him and said, "Oh damn, you're good!" He wore a cowboy hat that he'd take off and put on the girl he was dancing with. He made whatever girl he was giving his attention to feel like the centre of his world. He could dance. I couldn't help it, I was naturalistically observing/blatantly staring at him for a while. Not a single doubt in my mind he got a least a few phone numbers that night. No Grams, not mine. I saw through him, but I appreciate his style despite finding his level of confidence slightly off putting. He should teach classes. Go you game guy!
But this is a running thread isn't it? My most memorable trick or treating experiences involved a guy who dug a grave in his front yard, and laid in it super still until we got close enough for him to grab our ankles. And what's too far? One parent jumped out of the bush and chased out of the yard, screaming after with us. I'm also pretty sure that's part of the reason mom never argued to stay home to hand out the candy, and she was scary enough without dressing up. Dad never minded taking us out either, but I found out much later it wasn't just coffee in those travel mugs..
Monday, October 6, 2014
I get excited about grocery shopping for a multitude of reasons that don't make sense, but this one I know I'm not alone on. One of my favourite pass times at the grocery store is peeking at other people's buggies and carts, and often wondering how they're going to eat for a week. Especially bachelors, they're my favourite. Easy to spot because they're alone and wearing a wrinkled shirt, but you have to spot them quick, they're never there long. Toilet paper, a frozen pizza and pepperoni sticks eh? Good luck my friend. You're only here because all the take out places you have the numbers memorized for are closed. Sometimes couples lend some entertainment too though. What they make compromises on, and what they're most definitely not going to compromise about. Ever. "Put everything else is the cart that's mine back. Go ahead. We ARE getting Jet Puffed. I just can't live without spreadable marshmallow for a week..." On the contrary, parents grocery shopping scare me. They always look half dead. Like the last time they had a good night's sleep was years before, and if you poked them, they'd fall right over. You poor things. Find a sucker like me to watch your kids, you need a break. :)
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
And now a huge SHOUT OUT to someone I consider one of my closest friends, KRISTI ROOTS.
Who despite my constant bombardment still has NOT read my blog. This one's for you my love. Now click the sidebar and check out all my old posts. Sacrifice one of those nights you stay up until 3am on Netflix, there WILL be a test later.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
I went to see the movie If I Stay with a friend a couple weeks back. It's pretty sad, about a girl who's in a car accident with her family, and her body is in a coma. She decides if she wants to stay living in our world, or pass on. It flashes back to her life, the day of the accident, and her life since. Now when I say it's pretty sad, I mean it. Closer to downright heartbreaking. And I'm so in touch with my emotions, I've cried at commercials occasionally, so needless to say, I was a balling mess. But isn't that weird how we do that? I realized I was in a room full of strangers, in the dark, attempting to cry quietly, as were all of them. Kinda strange really...
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
The people I got along the best with, women and men, were the people I made jokes with. One gentlemen showed me magic tricks. The event was 19+, emphasis on the plus. A couple guys I was talking to, I was busy doing the math in my head while they talked, until I'd come to the conclusion, "Yup, he's old enough to be my dad..." We had the opportunity to write messaged to each other based on our number. I wrote my first one...
Friday, August 29, 2014
I was using a public washroom yesterday, with those super nifty sensor taps that rarely work properly. It got me thinking. I was raised in a super loving environment, my parents always hugged and kissed me, and before they left, "I love you have a good day" and before bed, "I love you, goodnight". Since living on my own, it's occurred to me that I can go entire days without touching anyone. I'm a touchy-feely kinda girl, but I've never put much thought into it. I hug my coworkers, my sisters, strangers...but it occurred to me that sometimes we live in a touchless world. Cuddles people! They're important to your emotional health, do not take this lightly. Keep calm and hug on.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
If you haven't been forced to download the new Facebook messenger, you will. I was buying something off a buy/sell/swap group on Facebook when it put the block on me. I needed that stupid address or I would have avoided it on principle.
When you're chatting with someone now, it's a whole separate app, that runs in conjunction with any other app you're running. What it does is turns the person's profile picture into a small sphere on your screen that you're able to click on to keep talking to them.
So you could be up until the wee hours, Tindering away, and if you talked to your Grams that day, there her face is. In the app. Judging you.
Or my problem was, a friend did one of those "what you'll look like in 60 years" photos and made it his profile picture. Harmless enough, until that creepy little head was EVERYWHERE I went on my phone. I made him change it so the night terrors would go away.
Hold your finger on the heads, and you can move them around your screen wherever you wish. With a little imagination, that gets fun quick. But when youre done, hold them down and a little X bubble appears at the bottom, where you can swipe the obediently into and they disappear. For another volcanic day. Oops!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
So after we've both swiped right on Tinder, we chat away until I pass his crazy screening and he gives me his number, and we chat some more, eventually we get to the point where he suggests we meet up. (I never suggest this, what am I? A clinger?) For those of you yelling "DANGER ZONE!", including all my more wise family members, let be clear, I'm not dumb. Public crowded places people!
1. My nicknames are funnier
2. I don't want to be sued
More Tinder Turn offs - guys who live at home, smokers, and guys with scary tattoos. You laugh, but it's a thing! If his tattoos are going to give me nightmeres, and when I see it all I can think about is rolling over in the middle of the night and coming face to arm with it and I shiver with fear? Out!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
For those playing the home game, there are only five stages of being a clingy individual, and stage 5 is the worst. The Urban Dictionary definition is: A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile are more likely to have this term applied to them. Orignally from the movie Wedding Crashers.
In my defense, I was two out of three of those, and no, I'm not a virgin. But I should have figured this out sooner to be honest, there's been hints. One friend gave the advice, "Well Jenn, you're just a lot to take all at once". Another friend suggested, "Don't let on that you're too attracted too quickly, you'll scare them off."
Just to bring it all home for me, I had a clinger message me on Tinder. Repeatedly. He'd send 6 to my one. And at one point he said, "do you not want to talk to me?" It was when I realized I was totally put off, and my instinct was to run for it, that things really clicked.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
So for those of you playing the home game, Tinder is a hook up app that connects to Facebook. It became super popular during the Olympics, because it finds you matches by how close you are, so people could randomly hook up all over the streets of Vancouver. Can you imagine? "Mmmm, this chick's HAWT, and she's 1km away..."
I made a profile with up 6 pictures from my Facebook account, my name and my age. There's also an option for a write up, but I felt far too much pressure and opted out it. I was tempted to write, "looking for someone who likes cooking and is good at it", but I didn't.
That's it ladies and gentlemen. That's all you have to base a huge decision of swipe left for yes and right for no. It feels completely judgmental! How on earth is that ethical? That being said, it's addictive. I'm not ashamed to say I'm swipe happy.
The app also brings up matches who you have common friends with, and common interests. I must have gone nuts one day for interests, I have over 35. Most of which are outdoorsy like hiking, fishing and camping, so I keep getting this super athletic, outdoorsy guys, not that I'm complaining...
I think it would be mean to admit who I've run into that I know in real life, matched based on our common friends on Facebook, but lets just say it's 100 times more jarring than complete strangers.
I've noticed a few reoccurring trends; pictures with dogs, full back tattoos, guys holding guns and topless selfies. The last of which is a Tinder Turn Off for me, and since they're so funny, let me tell you about other automatic swipe rights...
I click no automatically to guys who have girlfriend pictures, too many alcohol pictures, and pictures where you can't see their head. Duh. Don't get me started on the one gem who just had a picture of his junk, in a pair of WET white underwear. Doesn't leave too much to the imagination, does it Grandma? (I know she reads my blog, don't worry Grams, I didn't take a screen shot)
For no explainable reason I also say no to guys who wear scarves. I feel like they're too artistic for my taste. Maybe too metrosexual. I realize this makes no sense. The poor guys are just cold, and I'm not giving them a chance.
I also say no to all guys named Gary, because that would just be weird. Its my dads name, and even though it's pretty uncommon, I'm surprised how many popped up on Tinder. Maybe it's the same guy over and over again, I would never know. I swiped "OUTTA HERE" too quickly.
When I do get matched with a guy, and they message me, I can't stand it when guys use improper grammar, punctuation and spelling. I dun care if u think ur 2 cool for skool, it drives me CRAZY! I'll overlook the occasional "u" or "r" but use two, too or to incorrectly, all bets are off. On an unrelated note, I just discovered an "unmatch" button...
Wow, that's a lot of Tinder Turn Offs. Well a few things I say yes to are guys who put a smiling picture as their first picture, and ones who write something witty in their write up. And gingers. Oh my goodness the gingers. I have something for freckles, and gawd help me if they're covering their entire body head to toe (my only exception to the topless selfies rule).
So far I have lots of matches, I'm talking to a half dozen guys, and I've been on couple dates...but this post is long enough, I guess you'll have to check back for an update ;)