Thursday, October 30, 2014

Just another fish...

Of which there are PLENTY? Oh yes, that's right people. Last night I set up my very own account on Plenty of Fish. POF the cool kids call it. Funny, because Monday I was just telling a close friend of mine I couldn't get excited about dating. But I had my sister's over, and in retrospect, it could have been strategic that they waited until I was half cut.

First hurdle we had was username. I wanted to pick, "SpunkyJenn" until it was brought to my attention the other meaning of "spunk", in which case being full of spunk might not be the good first impression I'm going for. "FunkyJenn" it is.

Do you know how many QUESTIONS there are to fill out a complete profile? Holy MAN! And not even that I discovered anything new about myself, but my sisters opinions of me. "Are you SURE Jenn? You want to hit 'agree' on that one? You don't consider yourself stubborn? Not even a little bit??"

They have a section similar to Tinder, only better. They have Yes. No. MAYBE!! I just keep hitting that maybe button just to show enthusiasm that it even exists! I honour you, maybe button. 

I'm petrified of running into someone I know. I've run into Tinder guys, and that's awkward enough, because as if I can remember the conversation we had, or ANYTHING about them. But what happens when I run into someone I know from real life? And it will happen. Only a matter of time...

And who could say no to THAT offer? Ugh.At least he said, "bottle of coke..." I'm not going to meet Mr Right am I, Mr RIGHT NOW maybe...;) 

Monday, October 27, 2014

Sniff test

Quite often I use this term to describe people who smell their clothes before they wear them for cleanliness, although one might argue that's not clean at ALL. But last week I had another sniff test kind of experience. I was melting in guilt at work all day because I'd used my friends deodorant without asking. I had a feeling he wasn't a germaphobe, and he wouldn't give two shits, but I just felt so BAD! So on my break I hoofed it over to the drug store to buy him a replacement. But I wanted to get him the same kind, and even though I knew the brand, there's a large variety of scents. So I started smelling my armpit, and checking it against the pit sticks. Well lady McPrim&Proper strolls by, and I can't even describe the look she gave me. As if I'd insulted her religion! Stolen her first born child! I'm not sorry my unusual behaviour offended you so much, it's how I get my shits and giggles. Keep walking!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

That guy's got game!

I'm beginning to wonder how much of my life is genuine versus social experiments. It's a pretty gray area right? So when I was out at the club dancing my arse off a while back there, I couldn't help but notice this one guy and how he was interacting with women. There's no other way to describe it, he had GAME! Lets be clear, he wasn't particularly good looking, he just knew exactly what to say. I was dancing along to a Backstreet Boys song when he leaned into me and said, "Oh my gawd, I love this song!"

My female brain automatically jumped with joy thinking, "YES! Me too!" I smiled. I turned to him and said, "Oh damn, you're good!" He wore a cowboy hat that he'd take off and put on the girl he was dancing with. He made whatever girl he was giving his attention to feel like the centre of his world. He could dance. I couldn't help it, I was naturalistically observing/blatantly staring at him for a while. Not a single doubt in my mind he got a least a few phone numbers that night. No Grams, not mine. I saw through him, but I appreciate his style despite finding his level of confidence slightly off putting. He should teach classes. Go you game guy!

Trick, treat...or SPOOK?

What are your Halloween traditions? Among getting dressed up, carving pumpkins and calming the poor dog down from the damn fireworks, do you also get excited to scare children? I was chatting to my Grams on the phone the other day when she mentioned she answers the door on her knees, to get herself down to the kids level so she doesn't scare them. This made me laugh for two reasons, for one because I'd never heard of people doing that until her very own sister told me she also does that. For two, Auntie does that specifically to scare the pants off the poor little buggers that knock at her door. Oh yea. Uncle Doug puts on scary music, they turn the lights down, she puts on a flashing witch hat and *ding dong*. She told me last year she felt awful that she'd scared a poor little girl so bad she wouldn't come back for her copious amounts of candy.

But this is a running thread isn't it? My most memorable trick or treating experiences involved a guy who dug a grave in his front yard, and laid in it super still until we got close enough for him to grab our ankles. And what's too far? One parent jumped out of the bush and chased out of the yard, screaming after with us. I'm also pretty sure that's part of the reason mom never argued to stay home to hand out the candy, and she was scary enough without dressing up. Dad never minded taking us out either, but I found out much later it wasn't just coffee in those travel mugs..

Monday, October 6, 2014

Eager beaver


OH GAWD!! Did we actually say this when we were kids to describe the kids that were sucking up to the teachers? How awful. Now that I'm an adult I figured out why my parents giggled at that term...

Shopping cart judgement

I get excited about grocery shopping for a multitude of reasons that don't make sense, but this one I know I'm not alone on. One of my favourite pass times at the grocery store is peeking at other people's buggies and carts, and often wondering how they're going to eat for a week. Especially bachelors, they're my favourite. Easy to spot because they're alone and wearing a wrinkled shirt, but you have to spot them quick, they're never there long. Toilet paper, a frozen pizza and pepperoni sticks eh? Good luck my friend. You're only here because all the take out places you have the numbers memorized for are closed. Sometimes couples lend some entertainment too though. What they make compromises on, and what they're most definitely not going to compromise about. Ever. "Put everything else is the cart that's mine back. Go ahead. We ARE getting Jet Puffed. I just can't live without spreadable marshmallow for a week..." On the contrary, parents grocery shopping scare me. They always look half dead. Like the last time they had a good night's sleep was years before, and if you poked them, they'd fall right over. You poor things. Find a sucker like me to watch your kids, you need a break. :)

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Colour confused

I can't help it, first thing I thought of was, "I wonder what colour they put on their insurance paperwork?" Colour: sometimes purple...turn the right way, it's blue...depends where you're standing in relation to the sun really...

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Truth about dancing...

 Lately you can't spit without hitting a Facebook inspirational quote about "dancing like you do when no one's watching" and I'm here to say they're all lying. It's all not true, anywhere I've been dancing anyhow. Here's the thing though, I actually forgot to warn a friend of mine when we went out the other night...

Even when I'm stone cold sober, and the designated driver, I have a tendancy to "let loose" while dancing. Lets be clear, I have no rythym and little class, so this is by no means a pretty sight. I actually prefer to mingle into the middle of a dancing mob, because on the outskirts I get people pointing and laughing. Poor Sam. And I got a couple drinks in me too. She had a good attitude about it though. Good thing too, because I seem incapable of getting things under wraps. Warning: when one LETS GO, she may have a hard time getting it back again...

A holler and a shout

First off, I want to send out a big holler to all the gracious souls who frequently check out my dribble, I've hit over 9000 hits on my blog. Thanks to my biggest fans, who include my dear Grams. But thank you also to those readers in my life who keep it a secret, maybe my blog is your guilty pleasure. Last week I met my friends boyfriend for the first time, and he'd read my blog. Not sure how I feel about this being someones first impression of me, but that reminds me. Thanks to my readers in Russia, I'm sure you're all quite lovely.

And now a huge SHOUT OUT to someone I consider one of my closest friends, KRISTI ROOTS.

Who despite my constant bombardment still has NOT read my blog. This one's for you my love. Now click the sidebar and check out all my old posts. Sacrifice one of those nights you stay up until 3am on Netflix, there WILL be a test later.