Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Job hate

Most people know I'm a Twihard who listens to bad music, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that the song Christina Perri - A Thousand Years is in my regular playlist. My friend walked down the aisle to the instrumental version, and I've been listening to it on repeat ever since. Doesn't help that these two friends of mine are hopelessly in love and it brings up happy feelings...yadda yadda. So I was watch/listening to it on YouTube, when I suddenly realized, "oh GAWD! Someone had to LIGHT ALL THOSE CANDLES!!" 

She's just in this huge room, full of genuinely lit candles. 

And then, they had wind in the damn room, to get her hair to flutter.

Don't get me wrong, it worked, it's absolutely breathtaking, but I'm imagining the guy in charge of making the magic happen. "Uh hmm, lots of candles, got it. Oh how many? Yea, okay. YOU WANNA DO WHAT WITH A BREEZE? In a room full of lit candles!!?!?" 

And then she goes outside and I'm thinking someone else had a shitty job. 

Rose petals don't often naturally appear on cliffs by the ocean, fluttering in the wind. There was a guy with rose petals and a huge fan just off screen, and he was seriously re-evaluating his life I bet. 

By the way, I can't beleive they caught this shot of us this morning...

*drools* Team Edward for life. 

Monday, December 5, 2016

Snowy adventures

Talk about adulting fail, but I truly didn't believe them when they called for snow. So I didn't plan a way to work that didn't involve my bald summer tires...and I turned my alarm off in my sleep...and woke up to this: 

So I called in saying I'd be late, and trekked like a champ to the bus stop. 

Where two busses with "not in service" splashed me with slush. 

I waited for an hour, nothing. But thank goodness for good friends. Kate's to the rescue! 

Add "buy snow tires" to the list of serious adulting now that I live on a hill. And would you beleive it, we drove from a winter wonderworld to clear roads and a dusting in the matter of a couple blocks down Marmont. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?!??!"

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Snowflake thievery

So last night when I was doing my laundry at midnight (don't ask - been a weird week) I found a note in our elevator. I must add, we've been relatively note free since the lovely passive aggresive gems next to me moved out. But last night I found this: 

As you might have guessed, that's my writing as the "Friendly Elf" which I find clever since I worked in Santaland for six years. It's not as selfless as it seems because the free poinsettias we get from the church down the street cost me $70 to call the pet poison control when Beasty chewed down on it overnight last year. I was already planning to barricade the plant in the bathroom overnight and unload it today somewhere when the opportunity to put it at her door came up. But I beleive in be good in the world, and replacing that poor kids snowflake is the right thing to do. I was thinking this as I took the stairs to the second floor to fetch the elevator between loads (again - don't ask) when I saw someone on the second floor had a snowflake decoration on THEIR DOOR. Right, so if you did steal the decoration from a suite downstairs, you wouldn't have the balls to put it on your door would you? And even if you didn't steal the 4 year olds downstairs, if there was a stolen snowflake on the premis, I would take my snowflake decoration down this year, just to debunk suspicion. #ApartmentDrama 


Saturday, November 26, 2016

Feeling Enchanted

I went with my Auntie last night to the opening night of the new Enchant light maze down in Vancouver. I had an absolute blast. If you want to go hang out with hundreds of lost people, this is your event my friend! It starts off so innocently too, when they hand you a card with the names of all nine reindeer. "Oh this is exciting! I just find them and stamp them? How fun!" 

Until a half hour later, when you keep finding the same damn reindeer over and over again. "Dammit Donner! We've found you four times!" One of the workers said someone offered to pay her to find Vixen. I jumped and hollered when we found the last one. 

Lots of cool and fun things they did with lights. 

Some people didn't get the email warning to wear proper footwear due to all the rain we've had. I saw a girl in flats! 

The market was fun, not a place to get all my Christmas shopping done, but some cool leggings, and great people selling cool stuff. Bamboo bowls. 


I have a severe poutine addition, and the real potatoe fries hit the spot. 

My Auntie and I always have a great time together, so pick your person well if you plan on going. A great local way to get into the holiday season. Vixen was a bugger to find.

Great festive date idea gentlemen, but convince your date to wear her sexiest wellies.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Hot chocolate fail

I quite often find myself doing outlandish things, sometimes with the mentality of "if it doesn't work out, it'll be a good blog post" But other times, I specifically go out of my way trying things just for the blog post. This is such a case. 

I saw this kind of hot chocoate, and knew I'd have to give it a go, for all you lovely folks. Spoiler alert, it's nasty. I love bacon. I love maple. I love maple bacon. I love hot chocolate. But maple bacon hot chocolate is pretty gross. It tastes like chocolatey cooked bacon! I'm not sure what kind of chemicals they used, but I'm willing to guess it was an accident like penecillan. Can you imagine the lab that day? "You're never going to beleive me Sharon, until you try it..." 


Monday, November 14, 2016

Trauma healed

So a couple weeks back now, I was invited over by one of the wonderful women I met at my yoga retreat. A group of six of us, mostly strangers to each other, curled up on her couches drinking herbal tea from mason jars, and just chatted. It felt so comforting and empowering at the same time.

Photo Credit: Suzanne Rushton Photogrpahy
I ended up sat next to Michele, when we started talking about grieving and the people we'd lost. I told them about dad, and how the moment when his parents came in the room as he passed stuck with me. The look on Gramps face, it was hard to think about. She told me about this thing she does for people called trauma healing, and asked if I might be open to giving her 10 minutes of my time.

I was a little skeptical,  and yet I'd only sat next to this women on the couch for a couple hours at that point, but she had this nurturing, beautiful aura to her. When she asked me if I trusted her, I honestly told her yes. She proceeded to take me through a sort of guided meditation, and visualization. At one point I tried to open my eyes and turn away, but her calming voice told me, "its okay, I'm here". I cried. It hurt to go back into that moment. I hugged her.

I felt pretty overwhelmed afterward, but on the way home, I realized, that moment was filled with love. My family reacted that way because of how much they loved my dad, and although it was quite heart wrenching, it was out of love. I feel at peace with it now. I wrote most of this, more emotionally charged in my journal, which was mostly filled with shock words. I can't thank Michele enough for her help. I'll link her page in case this interests you. I can't say enough good things about it.

I've since decided to embrace my inner hippie. No longer will you find me on the sidelines criticizing people for their outlandish ideas. I'm going to jump in headstrong. I'm also going to promise myself to incorporate a few things into my life, stay tuned for "Retreatisms".

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Plug in empowered

I get excited about little things as it is, but since living on my own, sometimes the little things make me feel like superwoman. Meet my microwave and stand. 

My phone tried to auto correct to "meet my niece ovary" that'll have to be a different post I'm sorry to say. 

This is where my stand sits. Note the distance to the plug. To plug it in without heaving the microwave out of the stand and onto the counter, I need to cut a hole in the stand. 

So I did. Measured 3 times, cut once. Worked out perfectly. That's it that's all.  But now I've been sitting on the couch admiring my work for the last half hour with a huge smile on my face. Next task to tackle, changing the weird lights bulb. 




Groupon Legs

I bought these leg compression sleeves off Groupon. 

Like "oh, isn't that so sweet, look at those wee legs!" Got them in the mail the other day. 

That is so not happening, it's kinda funny. I'm evidently too "sturdy" for them. Should come with a label "slender legs only, athletic tree trunks need not apply" 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Cozy crushing

We learned a new arm bar in Judo the other night that looks especially brutal, so I had Joy pose with me. 

I also think it's especially amusing that her name is Joy, but she inflincts PAIN. 

...Not really. But sometimes it feels nice to be crushed. Like a cozy squeezing all the life out of you. It's a stern hug, until you tap out. Push your body to its limits, and then keep going until the rest of class. I love my Judo family.  

Wednesday, October 12, 2016


I'm no different than any other younger sister, looking up and idolizing their big sister. Easier to do when they're a successful doctor and you're rocking a writing diploma you haven't put to use yet. But this week something devastating happened, and because of it, something truly beautiful. Early Monday morning, my Grans watched the news up in Salmon Arm, and saw my sisters clinic burning. 

I'll skip over the part where everyone panicked a little until we got a hold of her. Having just opened in June, and just had the grand opening two weeks ago, all the work and love she put into it, was lost. But here's where the beautiful thing started to happen. My family came together, we're practised at it now. The community came together. I saw my sister lean on, and support her husband to be. A few hours after it happened, they were already looking for another space. The next day, she'd found somewhere to practise out of. Her priority was her patients, and their well being. No a single doubt in my mind she'll persevere, and come out ahead. They're meant to be in another space. We'll look back on this experience years from now and recognize it as just another example of when my sister showed everyone her perseverance and resilience. I couldnt be more proud of her. 


On my own

I considered not writing about it so quick, I don't want to be insensitive to other people's feelings, but writing is healing. Things slipped for a bit, and then ended between the boyfriend and I. Before all my Bloggy fans start cheering, I'm not diving into the online dating world again. Actually I had a revelation quite the opposite. It's possible that my life journey, could be, on my own. Not even just the feelings of worthlessness or being unlovable that come with breaking up, and real-life revelation. I was on my own for a while, I'm independent (to a point) and I thrive. But I always considered it a temporary status. A means to the final result, which was husband, house, kids. I've mentioned before that I've often considered myself not fitting into that cookie mould, but this is bigger. Maybe I'm set out to travel the world, or write a book. Maybe write about travelling. Or a million other great possibilities I haven't thought of. I must stress this is not fishing for compliments, and should you compliment me, or post words of enoucragement, I will unfriend you. I'm looking at you Grams. But a sincere reflection. A close friend of mine, in my heart, not in physical proximity, pointed out I'm looking for love, and that's most of my problem. I'm still putting effort in and expecting to find it. My sister conceded to me finally, "maybe it's not meant for you right now.." I have plenty of friends who are quite happy on their own. They're not all guys, and only some of them I discovered this because I was trying to date them. Grams says to me on the phone, "if it's not going to work, it's better to find out now, than later on..." and I can't help but wonder how many times she's said that. It's kind of a relief, I'll be honest. It's also been pointed out to me that I put a lot of pressure on myself. That could be true. I want to declare myself open to new possibilities, and the natural journey my life will take. All that being said, Ed Sheeran, if you're reading this, I'm still down for you to fall deperately love with me and whisk me off to your castle in Ireland. I heard today ketchup is bad for you, but I don't think we need that kind of negativity in our lives. See what I did there? 

And because I can, a photo with my cat. 


First Turkey

Last year at my sisters Thanksgiving dinner, I had just bought my place, and offered, "Next year at my house!" It is undetermined how much wine I'd had at that point. Regardless, I like to follow through with my promises. 

So there I am at the store buying the turkey. I start chatting with the elderly couple behind me, as I always do in line ups. She totally baited me. Asked a surface level question to see what I knew. "How are you going to season it?" I failed. "You have to season it?" So then she backed right up for me, "okay, so when you take it out of the bag.." this lovely stranger walked with me into the parking lot giving advice. I thought she was going to get into my car and come home to cook it for me. Lots of turkey advice, coming from all over. 

What you do when it needs to thaw and your sink is full. Not of dirty dishes, no Grams, not at ALL. Redneck hot tub style. 

But I got a turkey roaster because my original plan was to put the bird in and go to work, just like my slow cooker. We would not have been eating the turkey jerky. Read the instructions, it was in 2 hours and it was still cooked the crap out of in some ways. 

My sister threw me a curve ball when she invited our gluten free and vegan cousins, but it was relatively easy to accommodate. I made inappropriate comments when I realized my birds legs had fallen apart, much to my sisters dismay.

I had some help getting everything done, and keeping it all hot to serve all at once. Sounds easier than it is. I got the most excited about decorating the table if I'm honest. 

Chocolate fall leaves! #nailedit 
All in all, I'd call it a success.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Gone cheap

Hello again faithful followers and unfortunate people who accidentally clicked the link! I haven't posted for a little bit, and I can't wait to tell you why!
I had a free app on my phone called "Blogger" which I used to post on my lunch breaks, as I am now. But for a while, the app would automatically close itself as soon as I started a new post. You can imagine how frustrating that would be. I spent a whole hour once opening it and trying to type "10 Year Fear" as quickly as I could, unsuccessfully over and over again. (Foreshadowing to my next post?) So then I decided to delete it, and re-download it. Problem is, it no longer exists. Another app, for $8 does, well isn't that nice. Despite justifying the shit out of buying a new $30 cat travel mug, I couldn't justify spending less than $10 on the app. 

I struggled for a while, until I found another app for $1.39, and that I could justify, so here I am again. Funny how we don't want to spend money on apps eh? This is one of my bigger hobbies that I thoroughly enjoy, but what? $8? No way! I'll spend over $300 on Judo and Dodgeball this month, but that's WAY too much. 
I also want you to know that this new app I paid for isn't as user friendly as my old free one. 

What does all that mean? Your guess is as good as mine! Darn, another exclamation mark. The writing instructor for my program told us to live our lives with only 7 to use. Ever. I do that in an email sometimes. She had a point though, use enthusiastic language instead. I'm a little enthusiastic. Sometimes. And back in action people! BUYA! 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Profile picture age

I'm a sucker for those quizzes on Facebook to start, but I also love it when people try to guess my age. A client this week guessed "22" which is a lot older, usually the guesses don't break 20. 

Which is why I wasn't surprised this one didn't. And I purposely picture one where I was doing something ridiculous to help my odds. How did they come up with the rest of that stuff though? From one picture? I'm not saying it wasn't accurate, actually I think some of it was bang on. All of a sudden I regretted giving them access to my whatever...

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Shirt sleeve grievance

I saw this video encouraging women to lift weights when they go to the gym. Powerlifting, it's a thing. I have a friend from my program who got super into it, and she's super strong. I also know lots of strong women in my Judo club. Not to mention all the women in dodgeball, and my daily life who I don't know could bench press me if they had the opportunity. Here's my problem, if you want women to get strong, make clothes that account for big biceps. Now let's be clear, I have pretty average biceps, big arms, and some of it is muscle. I do a few push ups a week, and some of my work shirts fit everywhere else great, except my arms. A couple I'm careful how I move because it feels like I'll Hulk out of it. One had elastics there, that I removed for my own happiness. And now that we're talking about it, what's the difference between men's and women's deodorant, besides the fact that theirs actually works? I own a men's stick, and damn do I smell good when I wear it. This is not men are from Mars, Venus bullcrap, this is a world that needs to change and make room for #strongwomen. 

Scary sexy

I recently had the experience of going to a new, very large sex store. (Keery - keep reading, I promise not to reference your brother) Problem was, as much as I was trying to keep focused on what I might like, I kept getting distracted by all the super out there, crazy stuff. I snapped some pictures so you might share in my feelings. This is an assortment of anal toys, sometimes referred to as butt plugs. 

Check out those gems! That's right ladies and gentlemen, should it be your thing, you can bedazzle your butt hole.

Or jump around the room as your partners sexy fox, including the tail. The other super strange thing I didn't get a picture off were urethra penetration rods for men. I'm not making this up. And I'll have you know I tried googling it for your benefit, and I'll probably never recover. Before you assume no one would ever do that, the lady at the store sold two the week I was there. Would have been three, but a gentleman came in to buy them, and didn't think they would be big enough to stimulate him. Takes all kinds. 

Monday, September 5, 2016


I was at Rona buying some new door knobs, and while I was at it, thought I'd check out their toilet paper dispensers. Since I get lost so often there, I asked a person working there politely in what isle I might find them. He says, "oh! Are you looking for the one that automatically dispensers sheets by motion activation?" 

I must have given him a gawd awful look. Absolutely not. 

Btw, this should scare you...

This might scare you even more...

What would a motion activated toilet seat be activated to do? Go up and down I bet. Glow maybe? Predict your #1 or #2 based on degree of clenching? I haven't yet run into an automatic toilet flush that either flushed at the appropriate time, and didn't scare the living crap out of me. #poopun   


Saturday, September 3, 2016

Hello hole

I bought a new dress, well new to me. I got it from Value Village on sale for $7. 

It's hard to see from that picture the colour or style, I'll brighten it up. 

Perfect! Now you can REALLY see the bra I abandoned beside me on the bed. But I don't think I can ever wear it without a bra you see, there's a Lacey see-through stripe underneath the bossum. In the picture, you can see my white body poking through. But I just KNOW if I wore it out like that, one of my tatas would get the funny idea to slide down into that space. They'd be singing Adele "Hello. It's me.." I'd be on 5 peoples snap stories before I even realized what happened. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Say waaaaaa?

A friend of mine convinced me to try a shopping app, and to cater the products better, it asked what my interests were. 

Bottom left. HUMAN HAIR? There's a market for that? Like hair extensions? How is that it's own category? On the bright side, should I get hard up, I can just grow out my flowy locks and sell them! Dyed of course. No one will beleive all the gray came from a 28 year old otherwise. I barely beleive it. 

Psychic bagel

There I am, on my break at work, sipping on my Timmies tea, just having scarfed down a toasted bagel with butter, when I get THIS email: 

Now before everyone (aka: Kyle's whole family I just added to Facebook) gets their panties in a knot, let's be clear. I am not actively seeking romance, online or otherwise. Are you kidding me? One man is enough to keep track of! That just sounds like a lot of work. So unfortunately for my blog, my online dating days are behind me. 

But that's not what my mind jumped to when I got this, I was thinking, "Holy shit balls! How did it know? I just ate a bagel, and now it LIKES ME? How did it email me from my belly? How is this possible?"

Yes. That was my first thought before, "Oh darn, I thought I'd signed right out/off/deleted all these silly things..." 

Sunday, August 28, 2016


There was a very distinct moment when I knew there was no denying I'm a cat person. It was not the cat shirt. 

It was not the cat bag.

It was not the cat mugs. 

Nope, it wasn't those things.

It wasn't even the endless cat snaps! 

It was this. 

Don't focus on the very manly "his" nightstand of the two his and hers, although I've decked it out like I'm excited I have a need for it in my life. 

It's the glass. Let me give you some back story. I distinctly remember being at a family members house over the holidays a few years back, who were cat owners. While I was sitting on the couch, they warned me not to drink the glass of water sitting beside me on the coffee table. "That's the cats water" they said. "She just started drinking out of our glass one day, so now we refill it specifically for her" I distinctly remember thinking how nuts they were, and how strange cat people can be. 

Fast forward a few years. Kyle likes bringing a glass of water to bed, but a few times I caught Beasty drinking out of it. So then I started refilling it every couple of days. Then I changed the glass to have a wider mouth on it so her little face doesn't get stuck when she drinks too much and the water level goes down. Now I change the glass and her water dish, the latter of the two which is always still full. 

...and now I'm officially #catcrazy. I have this theory that it's the ammonia in their pee that flips something in human's brains. Or the cat hair we ingest. Whatever it is, it's happened. 

I'm a sucker.