Thursday, March 31, 2016

Dodgeless ball

It's official, I'm on a dodgeball team in the Coquitlam Dodgeball League, CDL. I'm on team Damn Good, and my nickname is Shag. Get it? Damn good shag? It's also a dodgeball term for a ball sweeper, because did you know there's different roles? Throwers. Everyone dodges and catches balls theoretically. Based on all of this, you might think I have a single lick of talent at the game, but things haven't changed since middle school when I played. Just in case you don't believe me, I found a picture of me playing. 

A first glance you might mistake me for that amazing thrower in the front, who joined at the same time I did. Look a little closer and you'll see me skulking in the back. Do note the BALL being thrown AT ME, which doesn't seem to concern me in the least. I am in play, I assure you, that's not the sidelines. Gawd, I wasn't even smiling! I had so much fun that night, you'd never know...I actually made two great catches too, which is maybe why I was allowed on a team.

Even now that I'm in a team t-shirt, and I stance a little more ready for's a secret. People might not think we know, but the weakest link, oh we know. Last night it was down to another guy and me against three on another team, and they didn't even hesitate before trying to get him off. Like the vegetables you like least, knock them out first, rest is gravy. 

Monday, March 28, 2016


It's no secret that Greg used to give me up for Value Village stamps and stickers. For years, he'd send me with his junk to the donation drop off because, "how did you get a whole card? I gave you a shopping bag!" I can't help it if I'm nice to people. Ok fine, they're usually 16 and a half year olds and I straighten my back a little. So anyways, for a while I thought I'd lost my touch, but a nice gent the other day filled a card for me, so I decided to text Greg and gloat. But the problem was in my hashtag. #stillgotit was supposed to be still-got-it, but it also could have been read, still-go-tit, which one might argue, is still hilariously accurate. #goboobs 

Slop on top

Even though cooking isn't my favourite thing in the world, and most definitely not where my talents lay, I've been experimenting lately. My new place has a great bar within walking distance, so I feel safe being adventurous. This particular time I tried to make chicken noodle soup in my slow cooker. I put the chicken thighs at the bottom, chicken broth and then my big bad mistake, raw pasta noodles on top. 

No recipe told me to do this, I came up with this awful mistake all on my own. Good thing it wasn't for company, we'd have been going to the bar. The chicken was cooked, if you waded through the slop on top, which I did for a few bites before I grossed myself out. Nasty. Well no ones dating me for my cooking skills!  

Parking space

There's a Koodo mobile commercial on the radio right now that talks about how people use their phones annoyingly. One is, "the guy texting instead of pulling out of my parking spot" Right, now besides me being horribly guilty of this, listen while I justify it. First off, until I pull out of the stall, it is technically still MY parking spot. And I'd much rather check my phone while I'm parked, about to pull out, then while I'm driving and endanger others. Not to mention the $146 ticket I can get. No, you wait your turn mister, or go find another parking spot, it's not Christmas, there's lots around. I hope this happens to your car...

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Butt nipper

I've written before about my amazing misunderstandings of common phrases, like when my roommate told me she was doing P90X, and I tried to talk her out of doing drugs. Or when I thought  prima dona was "pre-Madonna". But most recently I have been using the term "nip it in the bud" wrong for years, and NO ONE HAS CORRECTED ME. Until now. I always thought this was nip it in the BUTT. Vastly different it seems. Who knew? As a side note, I refuse to google "butt nipper" for the sake of an accompaniment, but by all means, go right ahead.