Monday, May 30, 2016

No snore

On the bright side, I saw this on Groupon...

His and hers matching snoring guards, to amplify the sexy in your life. You think I'm kidding, but 10,000 were bought. All over the world couples are sleeping better, and whispring, "Goof nighth, I lofe you"

Friday, May 27, 2016

Name drop

As a person who likes to address the feelings in the situation, blogging has brought up some interest moral challenges for me. I had a previous fling say he wasn't reading my blog out of respect for me, just in case I had anything to get out of my system. So first off, let's call it how it is, he was more concerned about seeing himself on here than my feelings. But that also brings up the idea that I would use my blog to gripe about guys who burned me, which I find almost insulting. I use my journal for that, not a PUBLIC platform. At most I'll admit to the occasional nameless jab. Because in my mind, that makes it ok if I don't actually name someone. Nicknames, and ambiguous "a friend of mine..." seem to justify my conscious just fine. Do note the above, "a fling" reference, I can already hear my sister saying, "yea, that could be ANYONE really..." But let's be honest, you all usually know who you are. I called it a cameo, but evidently that's only in film, and if you're a celebrity. Like Grams, who I have this idea is excitedly reading on her iPad a bunch of miles away, elated when I reference her. Maybe not. Maybe she's shaking her fist at her lap and cussing (I've heard it). I had a close friend just tell me last night she's keeping a mental tab on how many posts she's dropped into, "I make Jenn question her life!" But I also ask permission sometimes. People have different ideas about oversharing online, and should my blog ever get me into any sort of trouble, which by some fluke either it hasn't, or I just don't know about it, I'd like to not take anyone down with me. Well except Grams I suppose, but to her I'd say, "you knew this day would come." 
On the other hand, despite getting around 100 hits per post lately, maybe thinking that I have that much influence on anything is conceited. That would be a new look for me. Could be fun. 

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Junk mail happy

I have this Happiness Ap that I downloaded a while back, which has sayings and advice on beautiful backgrounds. 

It's a free app, and I pop into it every once in a while. 

I'm pretty sure they're on a reel, because I've started to recognize a few. I like it because non of them are overly religious. I consider myself spiritual, but not religious. 

It's interesting to think about how people proactively seek out happiness. Some ways might be a little left to centre. 

For instance, I would suggest checking your junk mail box. I was having a rough day, I went in there, felt instantly better. I realized I'd won a million dollars, twice actually. One was an inheritance from a relative I've never heard of. Also, I found my soulmate, and 3 good times should I ever seek one. I also had four opportunitues to enlarge my member, always helpful. Unfortunately my banking has been hacked, with three banks I don't have accounts, but I'll get that sorted before I deposit my millions, it says I can just click the link. I'll tell you what, my happiness app never did any of that! 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Hippie for life: poo finale

How was dropping off the face of the planet for a week you ask? Quite nice. But I missed my month deadline for No Poo-ing it, which officially ended on May 14th. Strangely enough, the Wednesday before it "finished" on the Saturday, all of a sudden my hair started to feel nice. Silky, soft. I still find the occasional flake of dandruff, but for the most part I'm quite happy with it. I'm learning what my head/hair naturally smell like, plus the smell of vinegar of course. It's so cheap! I'm barely into my giant jug of vinegar, and about halfway through the box of baking soda. I even forgot to bring some with me when I went to Salmon Arm for the long weekend to stay with my grandparents, and I was able to grab some out of her cupboard! The next hurdle will be when I get my hair coloured and styled, I wonder if my stylist with need to shampoo it? I make no gauruntees about how long I'll stick with it, but for now, this is working in my life. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

Sexy lip biting

How on EARTH do they do that in magazines and on TV? Do you absolutely have to be a celebrity to pull it off? If you're not laughing enough one night, please do try this at home folks...

How about this one, "YOU GUNNA DIE!!"

Ok, so maybe be a tease and don't look at the camera right? WRONG!!!

And don't even get me started on the lip bite/winky face. 

Popeye the sailor man! But I gauruntee you this will be the result - hysterical laughter with red lipstick on your teeth. 

If you do happen to be the less than 1% of the population who can pull this off, please post a picture on my Facebook post. Scratch that, if you CAN'T, please share your favourite failed attempt. 

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Biggest fear

Remember that post about my relaxed feelings around expiry dates, and when I did food safe I was surprised I was still alive? I finally gave myself food poisoning, and it came with a migraine. I missed a day of work, it wasn't pretty. They're a real thing, don't listen to me. Anyways, the point here is, the only thing I got done yesterday was a single load of laundry. And in that process, my worst fear came true. 

Grams is laughing because she gave me that pair of socks, so she knows how devastated I'd be if that single sock was never found. But it was, by a neighbour of mine, probably in the dryer, who considerately tacked it up there so I would see it and recognize it as mine. Now before you think I'm overreacting over a single sock, let me ask you this, how close was I to that being a PAIR OF UNDERWEAR? 

It's a real problem, and a side effect of not having in suite laundry. I have to travel with my dirty laundry, down a hallway, into an elevator, and down another hall to the laundry room. And in all honestly, usually there's a lot to travel with. It's happened more than once I do the hallways check, a particularly slinky pair has sneaked out. Without getting into any details about the booty shorts versus thong debate and where I ring in, for the sake of my coworkers who now read my blog, let's just say ANY underwear would be embarrassing. And it's only a matter of time before a thumb tack makes all my worst fears come true. Do I claim it as mine? Snatch it down? Or leave it there and call it a wash, (ha ha, get it?) I'd just have to hope none of my neighbours see me in a matching pair, I do have curtains now...

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Yummy hamburger

This photo came up on my news feed on Facebook the other day...

I know what they were trying to do, show a bunch of people having a super great time so you'd want to go there. Like the big, fact juicy hamburger ads that make your mouth water. Maybe it's a late twenties thing, but that is entirely NOT the reaction it elicited for me. I looked at that photo and smiled that I was at home in pjs and fuzzy socks, cuddling the cat on the couch and NOT there with all those sweaty drunk people. Sometimes I think I still want to do that, and then eleven o'clock rolls around, I'm downtown, usually dressed up, not drinking because I need to somehow get myself home, dancing, it's loud, hot and wondering to myself, "why did I think this was a good idea?" Nothing against the Biltmore, but that's a juicy hamburger I'm not craving to take a bite out of lately...

Friday, May 6, 2016

Beach Emergency

I used to tease my sister for having a back up beach bag in her car with a bathing suit, towel and sunscreen. For a grown up waterbaby, who finds such comfort in open bodies of water, a beach emergency is a real thing.

But the other day, It happened to me. A friend in Pitt Meadows where I work invited me to a favourite spot of ours in Maple Ridge at a lake after work. The minimum half hour detour it would have taken to get home and back would have killed the daylight. I had a beach emergency! I have tubes, a crazy carpet, and two camping chairs in my trunk, just in case, because you never know when your sense of adventure will kick in. But now, the beach bag will have to be added. 

Thursday, May 5, 2016


It might have been having the plumber in, or the new to me couch or putting all the boxes in the closet, but all of a sudden, my place feels like mine. Big shout out to all the friends and family who helped me move, paint, change switches and outlets, put up curtain rods, put up tv's, move're all fabulous, and I can't thank you enough! Shout to my homies that made it feel like home *wink wink* 

I just love it. Ok Cinderella, you're right, dreams really do come true! 

New Tinder?

It seems there's a bunch of new apps popping up that wish to contend with Tinder on the dating app game. I got this one on my Facebook. 

I always wonder if those are actual guys somewhere, or if I searched "hot guy with snowboard" his stock photo would pop up. 

Of course there's a guy with a dog. This must be a strategy that works based on how often I see it. I'm in the wrong line of work. I should be renting dogs for single men who wish to find single pet owners! 

But there's a another one called Happn that I totally agree with the creepy idea of. It matches you based on people you run into in your daily life. I have a couple friends on it, and so far they've only happened upon each other, but what a neat idea. Actually matching with people in your area, who are single, who you happen upon. Still using your geography like Tinder, but more focused on making meaningful connections that hooking up. 

I know what you're thinking, I should download that and get on it for your bloggy enjoyment right? Well fortunately I'm seeing someone who might not appreciate that. Or maybe unfortunately for him, my friends mom asked me, "who's your next victim?" I'm still trying not to be offended by that...

I wanna POO: an update

These titles just keep getting worse...I'm going to preface it better this time. For those less avid readers of my blog, I committed not to use Shampoo, but vinager and baking soda instead for a whole month. Feel free to flip back to my previous post, it didn't get off to the best start, and blogging about it might be the only reason I've keep it up if I'm honest. 

Because sometimes, it kinda sucks. And it always seems to be the "and" when I'm having a rough go. This happened, that happened, AND my hair is gross! They say it takes a whole month for your hair to adjust, which seems redundant because I'm already counting down the days until I can use shampoo again. 

I've noticed some itchy red spots at this point. A client suggested I moisturizer my scalp, so I used beautifying oil. 

Then my scalp was still itchy and red, as well as greasy enough to cook fries. Fries with vinegar, based on smell. I can't speak to how much hair I'm loosing because one day it'll feel like I'm loosing less, and then the next I'm panicking it's all falling out. It's probably averaging out to the same.

By the way, my friend who got me onto this, dropped out in the first week. She got some dandruff, and immediately we went out for a family size bottle of head and shoulders. Don't worry, I'm aware how awful that stuff is, I tried to tell her. Hate to say it, but my greasy roots, dry ends mop might be better off.

I also have some suspisions that the baking soda and vinegar might be the reason my acne got out of control and turned into huge scabs on my chin. But I'm trying to get that under control too. 

Anyhow, I'm keeping with it, because I said I would, but this is less than pleasant. I was about to type "suffering" but it seems overly mellow dramatic with all the fires and evacuations in Fort MacMurrey. Which by the way, you can donate directly to through the Red Cross, I did. 

Monday, May 2, 2016

Good granddaughter

I went to go visit Grammy in her old folks home Sunday and the ladies there like to tell me I'm a good granddaughter. People on my Facebook that see all our selfies together say it too, but I'll be honest, it breaks my heart a little everytime. This is a lady who baked me chocolate chip cookies, who took my shopping at the dollar store, who had me over for sleep overs to watch Wheel a Fortune, and who always had stashes of candy for me, just to name a few. Her home is a 45 minute drive from where I live, but I still think going to visit her with a coffee to play our own interpretive game of crib is something I should do more. It doesn't make me good in anyway, that is what I SHOULD be doing. I hope when I'm her age, I hope I have little shits for grandkids, and they better come visit me too. Even when it's hard. Even when I don't remember them. They'll know I love them, and they'll take a few hours out of their busy lives to bring me chocolates and play bingo. Little theoretical buggers, they better. 

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Relatable songs

I laugh a little everytime I hear Justin Beiber's new song on the radio, "Love Yourself". I like songs that I can relate to you see, so the first couple lyrics have me in stiches. 

As if ex's use my name to get in clubs. I can't even get myself into clubs lately, and I've wanted to less and less. That's past #firstworldproblems to #celebrityproblems, but maybe #celebwhines is more appropriate. 

Reminds me of a song a couple years back now, Shaun Hook was all, "this girl she got me shook, with her big brown eyes..." I'm in! " little thighs" dammit. I tried to get a screen shot of him from that video, but all I kept getting were these...

I'll just leave those there. He couldn't have said, "them muscular tree trunks for thighs, they got me wanting to wood chip all niiggghhhttt looonnnggggg..." 

Even the song "One Love" by Marianas Trench has some unrelated lines. "What if the one true love's the only one that you get?" Well that's a scary-ass thought. Imagine still being with the first person you fell in love with? Maybe I'm a romantic sap, but even the second and third aren't looking good either...tenth try is the charm? 

I don't know this band very well, but I can't help but think they're making fun of themselves as music artists in that video...

Floating beds seem to be a thing, but that just sounds like a bad day to me...